Teacher On The Go!!!

Home sweet home...

2010-12-06T08:40:00.002+08:00

I am coming back to KK tomorrow. I can't wait to reunite with my family and also all my friends. Well, after all, it is still good to be back home. I must admit, even though I am only away from home for about 10 months now, it is undeniable that home is still the best place.

Today, as I went out for breakfast, I saw one of my church member as well. This uncle is quite a good friend of mine as well as he took care quite a few things for me when I just came to Tawau. So, he asked when why am I still here? when I am going back home? then... I told him that I am leaving tomorrow.... then, he laughed at me and jokingly tell me that, why you need to go home? I thought here is your home already? .... I smiled at him and I am glad to hear that because I feel so welcome here even though I am just a stranger here passing by...

Yeah, seems that KK and Tawau can be considered as my home already.... of course, there's nothing better than being with my family on this joyous occasion.... =)

Thanksgiving...

2010-12-02T22:50:00.002+08:00

It's been almost coming three months that I have not been updating my blog... well, of course, the only obvious reason is because of busy!

Yeah, coming to Tawau is something that is exciting and challenging. I knew this theory since the the first day I started my work here in Vision Secondary School. School has been surprisingly amazing and fun! In fact, I only started to really settle down and fit into Tawau life at about recent 3-4 months.

I am also currently active in serving in music ministry here in Tawau. I am glad to have a church in here in Tawau even though I am away from home. Serving in music ministry is not easy but I always find enjoyment serving God with music. Hence, when I first came to Tawau, I gave myself 2-3 months of recess/break from music ministry before I start again. I thank God that for His provision of course, music is still my passion all the time!!!

My life here has been very exciting, be it from school, church and even to my personal life here in Tawau. Once again, I thank God for everything He has done for me here in Tawau, especially the provision that He gave to me. I am currently happy with my work and with my life here in Tawau.

September.....

2010-09-01T12:51:00.002+08:00

Ever since I started my work life here in Tawau, I realized that I can only manage to blog once a month. My previous blog is a prove... hahaha.....

Oh well, coming back to my teaching life... it has been a great challenge teaching in this school... I face all kinds of emotions, be it happy, sad, frustrated, annoyed... whatever you can think of, I think I've gone through.

I had two crazy months juggling with work, ministries and personal life. I can say, it's quite interesting when you experience different things all the time and I really appreciate it. Well, of course, I will only tell you when the right time comes.

Teaching is cool and I started to get the 'feel' of it... I don't mean that I didn't feel it since the very beginning but, it's just that I am starting to 'adapt' to it much better compare to when I first started.

Now it's already September... and I am looking forward to the month of October. =)

Dealing with loooonnnggggg period of class

2010-08-19T13:44:00.004+08:00

I am on this essay topic writing "Healthy Lifestyle" for the upper form 4 students. I had fun teaching and at the same time learning together with them. To me, ever since I am down with severe gastric problem, I have been cautious in a lot of thing, especially my diet and stress.

So, I changed my lesson plan today as I want to try something different, and it turned out to be quite effective and it works! I had 3 straight periods of English class today and if you can imagine, one period is 40 minutes, and 3 periods?? You do the math!!!

So, instead of me talking non-stop during the whole 3 periods of English class, I break them into activities. I tried the 1st one, which I never tried before, is to bring them to computer lab to search information from the internet. This is risky as they love internet very much, but the ground rule is set for them and I am glad that they abide with it. After that, I bring them back to classroom, and give them 2nd activity which is to compile their information into paragraph. The best thing is that, I want them to do outside the classroom... it works as well! Thereafter,when I call them back, do their sharing on their outcome, give them homework and summarize everything, my lesson time was up! That was really fast!!! I am surprised myself...

Now, I have to start thinking something out of the box again.... hahahhhaa......

stress? worry?

2010-07-31T10:42:00.002+08:00

I am somehow very tired and stressful these few weeks... in fact, it has been almost a month I am at such state. Focus is something that I lack of and I feel that I want to simply just put everything aside and just do not want to think about it.... but, somehow, it is hard for me to do that because I am a 'worry' person. I worried too much that I sometime overstress myself. I just want to feel relax but at the same time I will worry even more. In some cases, I do need some assurance from time to time...

Run the Race

2010-07-19T20:34:00.002+08:00

Often times, I never thought about taking good care of my meals and also my body until I got sick, severe sick I mean, is where I realized that how vital it is to have healthy body and having constant meal at all times.

I was down with severe gastric pain, and I've consulted a Gastroenterology Specialist, specialized in gastric, and he diagnosed me when tonnes of questions... and thereafter, diagnosed my stomach, he concluded that I might having stomach ulcer, hence, medication is given to me..

Well, this time, the medication worked! Of course, this has to go together with the obedience to take care of mealtimes and also my diet. At the moment, I have to say "Tak Nak kepada COFFEE!" hmmm.....

So, due to this, my parents flew over to Tawau just to see my condition... I am seriously glad that they came at such a time... I was deeply in pain for almost 1 month... I am surprised myself that
I am able to endure that pain for such a period of time...

Hence, I decided to make a bold step to apply leave both for school and also as warden. I am glad that my principal is an understanding person... and I give thanks that I am able to have full rest over the weekend and feel so fresh when Monday comes.

My dad was so worried about me that when he left last Friday, he advise me: "Jenny, you still have long way to go. Please take good care of yourself." It is until that moment that this phrase really strike me... You need a healthy body to run a race, in fact, a long race so to say.. hence, from now on, I abide that piece of advise wholly.

sick

2010-07-08T13:51:00.002+08:00

Ever since I got back from KK... I was not feeling well for almost 2 weeks already. Firstly, I was down with gastric.. this is the FIRST time ever I had such a long period of gastric... well, I do have history of gastric.... but, it has not been "attacking" me for quite a number of years.... but, sadly it attacks me these days. So, I am on medication... heard it's quite a strong dose... hence, I only consume it once a day.. Praise the Lord .... He is good... I got a lot better now... However... now, I am down with fever.... yikes!!!

Back to track...

2010-07-01T09:38:00.003+08:00

Today, I woke up with quite swollen eyes.. and I remembered I twit by indicating that "I am a panda". hahaha....

Well, I think I am starting to adjust my time zone back to "work time"... imagine waking up at 6am every morning is quite tiring.... seriously, I really mean every morning (including Saturday and Sunday).

When I got back to Tawau, my time has to be re-adjust again and it took me a few days to "beat it" so that I can continue "on the go" again... =)

Back to work!

2010-06-25T11:02:00.002+08:00

As I looked back at my previous post, my title was indicating that I am so glad to be back home. Yes! indeed, I am glad to be back home. I mean, who is not, right? =)

So, as I blog, I should also express my another 'kind' of feeling, which is, I am seriously back to work! hahaha.... Serious enough?

Oh well, school starts well, but not for me. I was down with gastric, which has not been attacking me for over a period of time, for almost one week. I really thank God that He heals my gastric as I prayed for healing, in fact, double healing to be places upon me. Hence, PRAYER CHANGES THING. I experienced that a couple of time already.

School starts off with lesson that I need to immediately take over due to one teacher left the school for an urgent matter. I have no choice but to take up all his work once the school starts. I am very stressed actually, looking at all the syllabus that I actually needed time to prepare but time is not given to me. I stressed myself up until it took me one week to get my gastric healed. I am very tired once the school starts because there are a lot of things I need to 'put right'. In fact, all I need is 'TIME'. I don't know whether should I seek for more time, which is impossible, or find myself a solution.

I am trying hard to 'relax' and to 'enjoy' whatever that is given to me, and I really pray for peace in teaching and wisdom in preparing my lesson. I somehow pray for time actually.

Wohooooo!!!!

2010-06-13T00:51:00.004+08:00

I am back home in KK..... well, I am here for almost one week plus and I am going back soon to Tawau... Well, let's not talk about that part. =)

There is nothing better than being at home. I mean really HOME.

I enjoyed most of my time here plus catching up with many things such as meeting up with friends and friends again.... mostly friends, of course...

Family gathering is so cool. Vincent is back as well... just to be back home as I am back home.. hence, complete family and glad to be able to celebrate Father's day in advance.

I am glad to be back home... and I miss home so much that I feel a little bit reluctant to go back.. however, I thank God for everything. =)

Teacher's Day + Holiday....

2010-05-21T15:56:00.003+08:00

Today my school has this 'special day' whereby, students will be having the opportunity to teach and the teacher will have the opportunity to become student. This is also a lesson for them to feel how the teacher feels whenever students are not paying attention while teaching... and to my surprised, all the students prefer the 'real' teacher rather than the 'imitate' teachers.... hahahha... this is so funny.... Well, in the morning, all students are so geared up to become a 'one-day teacher' .. they try to dress like a particular teacher and act like particular teacher. It's really a funny day and also a tiring day as well.

We had a power cut right in the afternoon at about 12pm.... oh dear... it was really really sauna and hot.... imagine students inside the classroom without current.... it is totally feels like having sauna... above all, I am wearing full black.. oh dear.... Oh well.... everything went well... it is something new to try out.. =)

Holiday coming soon..... I am so excited because I will be going back to my home town... I miss home... and I miss a lot of things and people. =)

Busy beee....

2010-05-04T15:27:00.002+08:00

Busy beeeee......

I am in the midst of preparing 4 subjects of exam papers for my school's upcoming Examination next week....

Wowh.... it's hectic... thinking about all the papers piling up at my desk and also all the books surrounding me.... I wanna faint..... aarrrgggghhhhh........

Anyway... I am still looking forward to the end of this month.... =)

random..

2010-05-03T12:53:00.002+08:00

Exactly coming to the third month I am here in Tawau. There are a lot of things happened in just within the 2 months I give thanks to the Lord that He is always here with me.

I will have one more month to 'survive' before I am off back... looking forward to that day to come. =)

Maybe it's because....

2010-04-09T09:47:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay....
My stomach has been feeling discomfort almost everyday....

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay...
My weary has gotten heavier and heavier everyday.....

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay.....
My stress has gotten higher and higher everyday....

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay....
My emotion has been tested everyday...

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay...
I got a broader scope of friends

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay...
I understand that not everything is as HAPPY EVER AFTER....

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay....
I wish for something better.....

Maybe it's because of the place that I stay...
I am starting to really miss home...

can't afford....

2010-04-03T15:49:00.004+08:00

Hmmmm...... ever since I am here..... there are a lot of things that I "can't afford".... and the most essential one will be that I can't afford to fall sick. As what I wrote in my previous blog, I did fall sick but, thank God that the sick is some how--- bearable.... I took care of myself "quickly" to avoid further seriousness .. Hence, yeah, I am feeling a lot better now.

Thanks for prayers, care and concern... Even though I get feedback that people may not worry ( care nothing) that I am alone here outside yet I am glad that I have new friends here that concern. =) Nothing much I can ask... and I can't afford to dwell in such feeling.

I too, can't afford but to be strong in every circumstances and situation.. I am merely human that has a lot of weaknesses... and since I am here, I can't afford to let my focus astray....

"Lord, I seek for your gracious strength to sustain me at such a time like this."

Sore throat

2010-03-29T15:24:00.002+08:00

I am gradually losing my voice as I have been non-stop teaching and as teaching is my profession now, I cannot avoid from talking non-stop. For those who knows me very well... I have this "problem" of losing voice easily. Well, I will not go into the detail as why I am like that, but, yeah, this is me. =)

I have been very tired lately, partly, my school has arranged in such a way that we will need to replaced a few classes on Saturday. So, thinking back now, when I started my life in Tawau, I have not been resting quite well.. partly, my rest is defined as: "work done then sleep." or else.... no way...

I can feel that my body has alarmed me that I should be resting or else, my fever is coming... oh yeah, if you realized it, I fall sick quite easily as well.

I wish to rest... but, as far as work is concerned, I am hoping much to get my work done instead.. =)..... (seems like I talk nonsense, ai?) hehhee.....

SURPRISE JENNY!!!!

2010-03-20T22:20:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was totally a blast for me. It was my 25th birthday and for the first time I am celebrating my birthday without my parents and friends around with me. Having knew this 'fact' ever since I decided to come to Tawau has making me to 'accept' that there will be no celebration nor gathering as what I 'usually' get back in my hometown.

Ok.. so, always the tradition of wishing 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' will be through sms, msn, facebook and phonecalls.... oh well... since I've just moved into Tawau, I am 'safe' that nobody knows my birthday..... But........... I was wrongggggggg..... Hard to imagine that I actually got a SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!! and if you are thinking that maybe some of my friends here in Tawau finally gotten to their 'senses' that.. "oh! today's Jenny's birthday and let's look for her" ... kind of thing.... man... you are wrong!!!! guess what!!! 4 of my KK close best sisters/friends/buddies, Pei San, Debbie, Caroline and Lois, actually flew over from KK to Tawau just to give me a BIRTHDAY SURPRISE... and when I say SURPRISE... it is SURPRISE!!! so surprised that I cried when I saw each and everyone of them!!!! They came over just to celebrate my birthday.... I am so so so touched!!!!! Yeah.... glad to see them around and I miss them so much... makes me miss home a lot!!!!

I got a home-made KK Tiramisu cake baked by the chef Caroline (it's superb), kimchi, starbucks coffee from SooMan, bookmarks from Annie and dinner from everyone.... For first time in my whole life, this was awesome!!!!

I manage to tour them around my place this morning just to let them see where I stay and live, manage to video tape some words for my dearest youth back in KK...

Everything good must have an end to it... they all went back today and in fact some tonight.. it was a sad depart because the more I see them, the more I miss them, and of course, the sadder to see them leave.... in fact, since yesterday til today, and in fact as I blog now.. I am terribly missing home... Maybe due to I am away for almost a month now, and partly also my birthday is totally an 'eye-opener' for me to accept that I have to become stronger and not weaker.. I prayed a lot... I seek comfort from the Lord and in fact, I seek Him even more fervently ever since I am here in Tawau.. I tell you, I can never go through this emotional stage unless God helps me... I consistently reminding myself that I am here with a purpose.. my heart should channel to the right channel and I am praying hard that the Lord will always protect me and comfort me at such a time.

Happy Birthday!!!

2010-03-19T00:56:00.004+08:00

Yeah! My title says it all---- today is my 25th birthday. =)

This is the very first time celebrating birthday without friends and family with me. However, deep inside my heart I know that all my friends and my parents are wishing and praying for me even more fervently since I am away from them.

As I've said, at this moment, having stay on the earth for 25 years is not a long year and yet, not short either. Ever since I've committed myself to come over to Tawau and being obedient to God's calling, I have already surrendered everything to God. This day I would like to just say thanks for those people who had impacted my life and people that has been so dear to me. No words could really express what I am feeling now, but, be rest assured that I will be strong and courageous for the Lord is with me. =)

Thanks so much for those wishes.. and plus, I had the most beautiful birthday song as well...

Get Connected!

2010-03-18T16:04:00.004+08:00

Yeah! Finally, I managed to get myself a broadband for the sake of my 'entertainment' when I am in the hostel. hehehe... well, of course, not entirely playing with it, but it is for the sake of my studies and learning.

I finally managed to settled most of my errands and I thank God that everything went very well. I am glad that I get much help from aunt Jillian and also Annie during my stay here in the town of far far away. =)

I've still got a few lists to finish and my school war will resume next week. =)

keep safe

2010-03-17T22:00:00.002+08:00

I am starting to feel the sense of 'alone' here in Tawau. It's been almost a month that I stayed here in Tawau and frankly speaking, I am starting to miss home... well, I know I shouldn't think this way, but all of a sudden I feel that sense in me.

I am still thankful and grateful for what the Lord has done in me. Hence, the urge to keep praying is getting stronger.. this is also to help me keep safe. =)

Piano + Music + Soul Saver

2010-03-16T21:48:00.002+08:00

I am so blessed and glad that the place that I am staying over for one week has a piano at home. I have not been touching piano for one month and frankly speaking, it is torturing. Back at my hometown, I have a piano, as I am a pianist, where I can sit there for at least one hour to practice my piano skills and songs. Apart from my own pieces, I practice hymns and also contemporary church songs. It has been an important agenda in my life ever since I started piano lesson.

Ever since I came to Tawau, I have zero opportunity to touch the piano. This is because I am staying over at the hostel which I do understand that it is impossible to bring over my piano... (oh, how I wish there is something like a piano guitar like thing.... can bring anywhere) Hence, no music.

It has been almost coming to 3 weeks I am here and I learned to appreciate the things that I have now and will not crave/wanting somethings so badly. Lesson learned and in fact, I placed more importance on daily devotion and prayers.

Seminar.. seminar... seminar...

2010-03-15T23:12:00.006+08:00

I think as I stepped into this working world, I suppose going to seminars are definitely unavoidable. I had my first teacher seminar here in Tawau today. The topic is about Autism students. Of course, I am not in this field, but, I suppose we, as teacher, should be educated to understand how to tackle this category of students.

Seminar has always been 'challenging'. Of course, I am indirectly implying that seminars are boring due to long speech and long hours of sitting. It was a full long seminar and by the time the seminar finishes, my mind is totally tired and almost unable to think properly... But, I learned something as well. I do benefited from this seminar and this talk has given me another insight about autism students. One thing that impresses me about this seminar is that, the 2 speakers who spoke in the seminar are in fact parents of an autism child. This impresses me because with this, they speak from experience and their sharing is so real and genuine because they are having an autism child with them. This is something which I salute them having the courage to share with us.

So, my day's gone due to a whole, full day of seminar. By the time I went back home, it's already 5pm. Nothing I can do .. but thank God that I've completed my Lesson Planning (LP) and I am leftwith setting of test papers. I will try and complete at least one paper tomorrow. =)

Most Treasured....

2010-03-14T20:44:00.002+08:00

I am on a one week break from school and I am also away from school.

I hate to admit that, but, I am quite relieved that I am on a break now. I am still at the process of adapting myself in this place, be it work, hostel, people... because everything is new for me.

My responsibility is getting higher... apart from my usual teaching, I am exposed to primary teaching plus holding one post in the school- as a school counselor. When school opens, students are moving into my place and I need to be responsible for them.. all these are something I am looking forward to, but at the same time, I fear that all these load will tire and stress me up.

Hence, I am glad that I am on a week of holiday now. Even though I still need to carry on with my lesson planning, setting up test papers for the upcoming test when school opens.. yet, all these has never been better compare to be able to take a breather for even one day, what more... for one week.....

Since I came to Tawau, REST has never been in my 'lesson planning'... hence, believe it or not, I am starting to treasure HOLIDAY.

addition into the 'family'

2010-03-14T18:18:00.002+08:00

YES!!!! my title speaks it all...

I have an addition into my 'family' teaching tree... which is non other than my favourite subject of all--MUSIC LESSON-- which I will officially start having this lesson once the school holiday's gone and another term starts... oh ya.. this lesson will be in the PRIMARY school..... hmmmmmmm...........

Rest assure my dear friends...

2010-03-04T16:01:00.002+08:00

It has been a week ever since I am here in Tawau and once again I am able to take the opportunity to get online at the office. As what I have mentioned in my last post, internet is hopeless here... I couldn't get excess into the internet as convenient as it is, even handphone line is helpless..

However, by the grace of God, I am doing very fine here. At the moment, I am enjoying my work here. My load is getting heavier as I feel that my principal has 'found' me. =)

Just a little update:
1) I am currently a permanent teacher in Vision Secondary School in Tawau.
2) Teaching 4 subjects: Form 4 SPM Sejarah, Form 1 Moral, Intervention Class BM, and one very interesting subject that I just got an order/instruction- that is teaching primary school Music Lesson.
3) Very occupied with teaching + one more post coming up (to be determined)

As of now, I have met all my students. I tell you, to become a teacher is not easy. I am thankful for all the trainings that I had over in KK that had helped me so much in dealing with the students now.

Nothing I can say but to give thanks. I know it's not easy, and yes, I can assure you that I am not living in an easy environment... but, once again, I want to plead for your prayers (for those who are reading my blog, you are already a blessing to me).

Once again, I want to rest assure for those who are so dear to me that I am doing well and fine. For those who have prayed for me, I just want to say thanks for that's the only thing I need now... however, for those who have not prayed for me, it's ok... =)

It is now.. challenges ahead of me...

2010-02-25T16:19:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone!!!! I am back here again into blogging after having 2 solid months of recess. I promise you that I will tell you what has been happening to me for the past 2 months, where everyone starts to plan their new year resolution, I am at the verge of making the most important decision in my life.

For the past 2 months, it has been a tough time for me. I will not go into the details now as I fear that I will speak more on my emotional feelings rather than informing you the right decision. At the nutshell, for the past 2 months, I have been stuck with myriads of things and situation that has lead me into where I am now. For all things, be it good or bad or even worse, I give thanks to the Lord.

If you realized, I had actually changed my blog title from "The Teacher in the Making" into "The Teacher On The Go!!!!" YES!!!!!! I am officially a teacher now in a blessed school: VISION SECONDARY SCHOOL IN TAWAU. Yeah! I am now in Tawau, 45 minutes flight from my hometown, Kota Kinabalu.

Tawau is where I am now.. I just want to rest assured for those who are wondering how I am now in Tawau is that, I am doing fine and good. School has been really busy from the first day I entered school. There are many things I need to put right, plus my stay at the hostel is also a burden for me at the moment, as I need to not only settle myself being a teacher, but also, being a warden for the students in the hostel that I am staying in the future, as for now, I am staying alone in my hostel. ( I need prayer for safety and comfort) Things are getting tougher and tougher which I will not deny it, but, I am looking all things positively.

I am hopeless in getting online here in my school, as sometime, the line connection is weak and it is totally out of line when I am in the hostel. Hence, I will try my best to update whenever I have the opportunity to get online (such as now) =)

All in all, I am doing fine... I just need one thing or should I say, one favour: which is your PRAYER. I need prayer in every area.. in fact, in most area now.

It is now.... Challenges are all ahead of me.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T15:23:00.001+08:00

Today is the eve of the year 2010.... So, would like to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Christmas Diary 5: Perfect Gift? (last episode)

2009-12-25T19:21:00.003+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS
EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the past few days, I have been receiving gifts from friends. I am so much blessed by those gifts given and I just wanna say thanks because I know that you have been giving out your heart in choosing the perfect gift for me..

Talking about gift, I did give out gifts to friends that is dear to me.. gift is a significant that I appreciate and I am glad to have you as my friend.

However, in this celebration.. the perfect gift of all is the GOOD NEWS OF JESUS CHRIST. The birth of Jesus Christ is the Lord's expression of love to all of us. I was involved in a minor part of my church drama title "The Quest of Christmas".. it is a nativity drama where the same story played every year... however, for the past 4 years, I have been experiencing great Christmas in my church. I am very much thankful for the Lord that HE has been constantly reminding us the real and perfect gift of all -- the birth of Jesus Christ -- into the world.

May this GOOD NEWS brings peace to all mankind.. and hereby, I would like to end my "Christmas Diary series" by wishing everyone a HAPPY MERRY CHRISTMAS.

May God bless you all.

Christmas Diary 4: Blessings

2009-12-24T17:00:00.004+08:00

Last night, I told my mom that I wanted to have some time out today with a dear sister of mine, RF. So, we agreed to have nothing planned together today.

This morning at about 9am, I went out with RF. So, we had breakfast at Damai today and we chatted a lot.. trying to update each other.. We hardly meet each other because she stays in Singapore... so, whenever she comes back, we will try and meet up and update each other...

I learned a lot from her because apart from chit chat, she actually concerned about my spiritual life... hence, I shared with her a few things about me.. After that we went to City Mall to help her do some shopping. She wanted to buy a few presents for her friends and her husband...

BLESSING.... comes flowing to me today as I started went out with her... I know Damai is famous for testing your patience and faith in looking for parking. However, we found parking immediately we enter into Damai area... thank God for that.. After having our breakfast, RF bless me by paying the meal for me as well.... thank God for that.... as we were doing our shopping in City Mall, she also bought one Christmas gift for me immediately... thank God for that...

BLESSING..... comes from within the heart.. I had been blessed by many friends around me all these while... and I am very much grateful ....

To all my dearest friends....
From the deepest of my heart, I would like to wish everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS...

Christmas Diary 3: Roles

2009-12-23T22:06:00.005+08:00

Today.... I played different ROLES....

Role 1: DAUGHTER

It is quite a routine for me and my mom to visit the big market downtown once a month... so, as usual, mom has booked me last night that this morning we have to go to the market and buy some fish, vegetables.. and the likes.. so we went to market at about 8am.. and I think we are there for about an hour (which is normal, sometime can drag to 2 hours) .. thank God mom did not bring the whole market back home.. hehehe...

Role 2: FRIEND
Today, my cell leader LPS is going back home in Tawau for Christmas.. so, me and VL, meet up with her at the airport to have our meal together.. yeah... AIRPORT (of all places..) well, actually I wanted to eat McD.. that is why I suggested there... hohoho.. we chatted for about an hour plus.. it was really cool to hang around with friends and chit chat....

Role 3: SISTER
My brother, Vincent is back home for Christmas as well.. after saying 'bye bye' to my cell leader.. I stayed back for another hour to wait for Vincent (don't worry, I am well prepared, I have my walkman with me)... his flight reached at about 2.30pm... glad to see him back.. hahahha...

Role 4: MUSICIAN
Today is also the practice time for the Chinese service.. so, after fetching Vincent, I really rushed back to church for practice... I was late but nevertheless, the practice went well.. =)

Role 5: SERVANT OF GOD
I am involved in super minor part in the drama of a play for our church. The theme is "The Quest for Christmas".. I served in small area today such as fetching and sending youths back home as they do not have any transport to church and back home.. I am glad to serve the Lord in any areas which needed my service..

One person I am, and yet, I can be of different roles... I was reminded that the responsibilities that I bear is not for my own, it's for the glory of God... to honour my family, to be grateful for friends, to care for my siblings, to commit into any ministries that I involved and to be faithful and cheerful in serving.. I am glad to learn so many lessons in one day.. God Bless.. :)

Christmas Diary 2: Gathering, Celebration & Farewell...

2009-12-22T13:58:00.010+08:00

Today is a special day for my church's young adult cell...

why???? Let me tell you.....

Today is one of our member's BIRTHDAY....
Hence, we are celebrating her birthday tonight...

With that, we are organizing a GATHERING together with all the other members tonight. It has been a while since we meet up together...

Since, CHRISTMAS is coming... which is 2 more days from now... we are gathering together also to celebrate CHRISTMAS!!!

Gathering and Celebration means..... FOOD... yeah!!!! we will definitely have lots of food to eat.. prepared by the most famous chef of all. *wink*...

Of course, apart from eating and eating and eating, we will also have GIFT EXCHANGE...

Well, the 'sad part' of this gathering is that... we actually have to say bye bye to a few members in our group... some going away end of this year and some next year January.. so, it's also a FAREWELL night.....

We all have everything in one package.... interesting ai????

Christmas Diary 1: Honour

2009-12-21T12:57:00.004+08:00

From now on, it is exactly 5 more days to Christmas.. I have this urge to write about what I am doing from now til Christmas.. hohoho.....

Today, I am out with mom buying some house chores.. Mom likes eating fish and so we went Damai to this particular fish mee soup shop to have our breakfast, and then stop by a cake house to buy 2 cakes.. semangat membara ni!!!!

I can't wait for night to come because I will be going to church to help 2 sisters of mine on something -- we have mission also-- hahahha.....

Yeah, coming back to Christmas, this year's Christmas is something that I have a lot to thank the Lord. One of the biggest THANK YOU is upon my completion on my Education Degree. I achieved well in my studies and I am really glad because despite of my busy schedules juggling with church, school and being the eldest child in the family, I still manage to concentrate on my studies. Of course, there are a lot of things I 'let go' as well in order to cater to certain expectation... but, nevertheless, I made a pact to the Lord when I first start my degree that I will do my very best in my studies.. because I want to honour God and my parents.

Honouring God and my parents is one thing that I will not want to 'lose' .. I really thank my parents for everything that they had provided for me.

Of course, I can proudly say here that I can do all things because of honouring God

Youth Rock!!!!

2009-12-20T00:45:00.006+08:00

Last night it was our church's combined Chinese and English Youth Christmas Party!!!!

This party marked our last meeting for the year as we are preparing for Christmas events and so on and so forth.... Well, of course, this year, we are sort of a bit relax....

I was assigned to do song leading and translating.. so, the whole night was a 'joke' throughout for me... why? when comes to Caroline doing the games, I need to help her in Chinese translating... and when comes to Ps. Ivy on sharing, I need to help her in English translating.. .. sometime, I get mixed up and ended up translating the same language again!!!! hahahahhaha....... ahemm!!! oh dear... I was like "language switching" the whole night.. yohoooooooo...........

Anyway... everything turns out to be well done.. Praise the Lord! I was much grateful actually seeing how faithful God has been to us since the beginning of the year... challenges and obstacles in youth ministry is heavy.. I have to admit that.. it is not easy to handle so many youths because they can think like an adult... well, some of the time... nevertheless, I give thanks actually for youth ministry!

We are closed for the year and we will resume our meeting back on the 16th January 2010.. come to think about it, I do look forward to that!!!

Christmas starts with caroling...

2009-12-18T17:21:00.003+08:00

I associate 1st night of caroling as "STREAMS OF HARMONY" and 2nd night of caroling as "SYMPHONY RENDEZVOUS"... These two simply means harmonious voices...

We had two nights of caroling joint voices with the young adult cell and youth cell. To me, this year's caroling is the best caroling ever.... reason is because, at last we have more male voices to accompany with our strong female voices. I do feel that we really sing well during our two trips of caroling... apart from singing, we had much fun and laughter. Indeed, it is a joyful occasion to celebrate Christmas with caroling..

camps...

2009-12-12T19:20:00.006+08:00

This year I've been to three camps, ranging from three different category: Young Adult camp in October, Children Conference in November, Youth camp in December. I am a 'camp' person... Every year, I will try and make it a point to join at least one camp. Up to now, I manage to fulfill the pact where to join at least one camp every year.

Well, this year is an exceptionally different to me.. The reason I can join so many camps is that, I graduated from my three-year degree course in my Education and that is why I am able to fill my time with so many camps.

Camp after camp, and I really feel tired but at the same time of course, I enjoyed myself. The recent youth camp has been a special camp to me. I get to meet up with some youth friends (not from my church) and catch up with some friends too...

Apart from that, strengthening my faith is one thing that I learned in this camp.. I get to listen to various speakers that speak in this camp and somehow, I feel so 'refreshed' especially digging deep into the book of Mark. Maybe I was not told the 'proper' way of reading and understanding the Bible, but, after this camp, I get to know my Bible better. =)

As for now, well, this has always been 'me'.. I always get sick after camp... oh well... it's normal I presume.. =) just needed some more rest, that's all..

sick...

2009-12-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

I was down with fever, flu and sore throat for the past few days... I think due to "over-worked" for one whole week with children conference, organizing games and ministry at night.. I was totally lack of rest every single night the whole week last week..

I got to the point where I rested without doctor's medicine, and still feeling sick... I still carry on whatever I am involved with especially Saturday youth ministry and Sunday worship and dance practice.... my body has alarmed me to rest, and yet, I neglected it.. causing so much trouble to myself.

Many sisters has observed me that I looked so pale and "moodless" .... In fact, I chose to 'fight' the fever and let things just carry on... stubborn I should say I am... and yet, things go as it is.. tired is definitely there...

2 sisters was with me on Sunday afternoon after dance practice and they asked me whether I am sick or not as they heard my voice changed.. and I answered yes.. they were surprised to hear that because seems that I looked like as if I am ok and still seeing me playing the piano and teaching dancing again....

I pray for quick recovery as I have a lot of things to do ....

Love you mom...

2009-11-16T15:48:00.000+08:00

Today, I am so happy... I've got a surprise from my mom.... very touching... Love ya mom... =)

wake up..

2009-11-13T23:23:00.003+08:00

"I will never be the same again
I can never return
I've closed the door
I will walk the path
I'll run the race
I will never be the same again"

As I was preparing this song for worship practice tonight, it does not ring any bell in me... however, God works in every way. I was thinking through this song the whole night.. this song kept ringing in my head and I meditate on this song actually. I have been "disobedient" towards a lot of things lately.. causing me unnecessary hurts and sadness. I put all the blames towards other people rather than looking and reflecting towards my own attitude. I admit I hurt people around me and in return, people around me do hurt me.. However, when this song rings, I find that I should never be the same again... be it towards other people or towards myself...

Once, I always think people do not care or concern about me. Once, I feel people around me do not treat me like their friends. Once, I always make false assumptions towards how people view me... However, looking back... these are all "immature"... I felt so immature having such thinking.. consequences are that, I always feel hurt and sad with no reason... God actually 'wake me up".. it is actually something very small .. my problem is not even as high as the mountain or as deep as the sea... it's not the end of my day...

I want to change! Something which I cannot do it on my own but with my God, I am able to do it! Lord, please help... =)

process... I think...

2009-11-12T11:29:00.003+08:00

I am doing my final dissertation for my degree and I think this is a process where each moment I hand in my work, there must be correction and addition needed to be done. Aiyo... I miscalculated how many times I've made correction and surely there must be something need to correct, something need to change, something need to add, something need to elaborate and the like.... aiyo.. more days to 'endure'....

good time with....

2009-11-01T23:08:00.004+08:00

I had good time,

with all my cell group members to Tuaran for Holy Spirit Weekend Away..

I had good time,

with a few sisters laughing non-stop in the room in Tuaran...

I had good time,

with my cell group sisters 'playing' two hanging bridges under the hot sun...

I had good time,

with my P&W gangs rehearsing for Church service...

I had good time,

with all my crazy & fun youths for their never-ending energy & strength to keep me awake...

I had good time,

with my fellow church members coming to worship to Lord on Sunday...

I had good time,

with my cell group sisters washing dishes after the refreshment and we are being labeled as the next 'women fellowship' + I was in my formal suit with high heels to wash all the dishes...

I had good time,

with my cell group sisters + youths having lunch together...

I had good time,

with all SYOK children as we sing + dance like mad...

I had good time,

with the Diocese brothers & sisters in Christ witnessing 7 candidates' ordination...

I had good time,

with myself by keep replying smile to someone...

I had good time,

with a group of brothers & sisters at Starbucks for a celebration...

I had good time.....

Decision....

2009-10-28T13:06:00.003+08:00

I am at the moment having my sweet time in McD KKIA... huh? did I say KKIA?? hahaa... yes, I am at KKIA.. two things being here.. sending my cell leader to Tawau and fetching my brother from Bintulu. My cell leader just checked in and now, I need to to wait for my brother to come out.

Yesterday was my final presentation of my dissertation. Once again, I thanked God that everything went on very smoothly.. I was the fourth one to present reason being that my pendrive could not read by my lecturer's laptop, so I went and borrow one of my classmate's laptop to check the problem and finally I managed to solve the problem and get my presentation done. I was actually stressed and nervous about it because I fear that I couldn't answer the questions that my lecturer point out as all the previous presenters were being questioned without answers coming out from them ( reason: don't know how to answer)... however, after I did my presentation, all he commented was "Excellent, this is what I want!" I was so relief because he has nothing to question me but to ask me how long have I prepared my work... hahhaha.... Oh well, now, we have one more week (grace period) given by my lecturer to complete and hand in our thesis... which, I almost done.. =)

Thinking back, the three years that I have studied my degree course has cost me to give up quite a lot of things, but at the same time gain a lot of things as well.. Even though the hectic schedules, examinations, presentations are always present, I prayed to God that I will never forsake my ministries.. I want to serve HIM while I still can.. and truly enough, I do excel in my studies and I really am glad that God is always there for me... there are so many things that I will not be able to achieve without the Lord by my side.

There are so many things happened around me which has stirred my heart a bit... one of my dear sister encourage me that it's time to make decision...

Mission Experience- Penangah

2009-10-18T20:12:00.003+08:00

This is my first time ever to join the Medical Camp organized by the Diocese. I am very much excited for this trip even though I know that my physical body does no permit. Nevertheless, I decided to go and experience this camp.

I am not from any medical line... does not know any single medical knowledge, well, perhaps those very general ones I do understand, but those are the surface ones, no more than that... What makes me so excited to go? Firstly, it is because I finally have the time to free up some of the space in my schedules and go for this camp by faith. In fact, I turned down many appointments because I have made this camp a priority.

This camp is a 'challenge' to me in every single area. My physical body does not permits me to go for long journeys because I have history of back pain and very serious motion sickness. However, I prayed and I just go by faith..

During my trip there, I faced car breakdown before even reaching Telupid, I had to search transport to go to Penangah the next day, and I have to look for transport back to KK.. Three days, three different cars.. can't imagine my first experience is the issue of transport.

The medical camp in Penangah is really an eye-opener to me. I helped as a volunteer between helping the patience to the nurse then to the doctors. We had to drive on stony and bumpy roads for almost 2 hours and frankly speaking, with my condition, I really feel the pain.. But, when I arrived in the deep place called Penangah, I tell you, the pain that I suffered and faced can never be compared to the people there who are not able to even get excess into medical treatment. The people there were being blessed by the medical team and everyone do not want to miss this opportunity to get treatment and to get advice. I can see how blessed I am living in this comfort zone where medical treatment is just around my corner. I really feel for the people in Penangah...

Throughout this camp, the most painful part is the 'journey'... we had long journey from one place to another... and by the time I got home, I am so glad to be home.

For the past 2 years, ever since the Medical camp started 2 years ago, my cell leader has been consistently encouraging me to go... however, I always turned her down and giving excuses... For the past 2 years, she never failed to encourage me to join and sign up for this medical camp until this year, the 3rd year, I finally sign up and I can tell you, it is worth going!

Mission... I never really take it seriously because I always think that I am not fit for mission... however, after this medical camp, my perspective changed!

help me? or me help? hehe...

2009-10-15T20:36:00.003+08:00

My room is so cold that I actually have to put on not only my stockings but also cover myself with my thick blanket. I turn on my air-cond to the maximum so that I can feel the chill inside my room... hehhee.....

Today is my youngest brother's 19th birthday and we went out to celebrate his birthday at Pizza Hut just outside our area. The gathering was superb!

For the past few nights, I have been sleeping on the floor because of my back pain. I normally does this when my back aches.. I feel better than sleeping on the bed..

I will be heading to a medical camp for the weekend. I am still thinking what to pack... oh well... I should say that I am still checking my stuffs... hoping that I won't miss this and that... but, definitely, my MEDICINE is a MUST!!!!

I have been reminded to bring my medicine and YES I will remember that! IMPORTANT!!!!

Sky is black!

2009-10-14T15:26:00.003+08:00

The weather now is really dark as I blog... strong wind kept blowing making my hair messy....my laundry kept swinging following the direction where the wind blows... after I realized it, the sky started to drop in tears...

I have this heavy feeling inside my heart of wanting to blog something. Well, nothing in particular actually, it's just that I felt a 'burden' to blog something.

I have been at home for almost of my time during the day for the past one week plus. Reason being is that my mom is seriously not well. Her backache came back again and this time it is quite serious. It caused her to get 2 injections within 2 days... this shows how painful she was for the past week. I have been with her almost the time helping her, taking care of almost all of her daily things. Of course, not forgetting to do house chores and cook meals. Basically I have been home and busy myself with all these.

Apart from being at home during the day, my time are packed with church activities during the night. I am aware that if I leave home for any meetings outside, I will be worrying my mom alone at home, so, sometime, I do feel the 'burden' of wanting to go out but at the same time worrying here and there.... so, I thought, since my heart is not at peace at all, might as well, don't, right?

Now, after much rest and medication, my mom is feeling better, well, at least she can stand and walk around already. I am much glad and feel at peace.. for at least this week as I will be away for the weekend for a camp up in Penangah.

However, now, problem is, my back pain is back! My back felt so pain the first time when I wake up in the morning. I was so scared because I will be away for the weekend and I actually received my schedules for the camp already... looks like it's not an easy 'trip'.. after my one-week holiday to KL, I realized I had a lot of 'sickness'-- air sick, sea sick and even long distant sick... plus now backpain.. oh dear... I really scared that all these will affect my trip. I am praying very hard for it.

Within 2 weeks, I received news of my member wanting to leave ministry. Of course, I am not in any position to not approve their leave because I understand there must be reason behind it. People tend to leave me one by one... too many that I feel speechless most of the time. I understand 'leaving' sometime is a 'must' because of 'duty' and 'responsibilities'.. however, this cause me to ponder what it really mean by 'heart of commitment'....

School has been smooth to me. Sometime, I feel that I put too little effort in my assignment. Looking back, my dateline is catching up and seems that I have not been progressing anything after my holiday.

I am always at the verge of my moment where I feel that I need to slow down. Pacing down a bit will somehow slacking me down in everything. I need some motivation to really push me up!

"Well Done"

2009-10-06T22:42:00.003+08:00

What comes to your mind when people praise you "Well Done"?

I did my part I dissertation presentation at the beginning of September and I was the only one presenting that day due to nobody wants to go first and according to my lecturer, I did well. ------- "Well Done"

Today, I had my part II dissertation presentation and again, I was the only one to start the ball rolling and this time, my lecturer again commented I did well and he even announced my marks immediately after my presentation in the class... want to know how much I got? hehe.... ----------"Well Done"

I was sharing this good news in detail to my cell leader and she praised me and congrats me.. she even say words like awesome, well done to me.. and guess what? I am getting a treat from her. *my favourite drink* ... yipeeeee.............=) --------- "Well Done"

To my surprise, I got a text from my teacher congratulating me for doing well in my presentation... I totally have no idea from where does he get this news, but, I will ask him again tomorrow as he says he was too tired and obviously his bed is calling him.. hehe------- "Well Done"

"Well Done"
This phrase means a lot to me because I did well due to my effort in preparing well for my presentation. I am glad everything went well and I am very much encouraged by it.

Care & Concern

2009-10-05T14:35:00.002+08:00

When I logged into my MSN, immediately after that I got a message from my dear cousin brother in KL.

He messaged me:
"Hello"
"How are you?"
"How is the feeling back home?"
Thinking back, it's been a week since I came back from KL until now. I have this strange feeling of 'liking' KL. I had fun time during my stay in KL and I miss KL all of a sudden.

Hence, I replied him:
"Hi brother"
"I am fine thank you."
"Good to be back home."
Oh well, I have to face reality, don't I? HOME... some people have home but cannot go home,.. some people don't have home, but to them 'home' is probably a place of shelter, hence anywhere is the same.. to be, simply, good to be back home.

He messaged me:
"Yup"
"Very busy once get home?"
My brother knows me well, because I shared to him about my life here in KK. He understands me well that when I got home, busy schedule lining up...

I replied him:
"yeah, busy once I got home... remember I got back on Sat? and that night I have function in church already, then, following on the whole week."
"Didn't get much rest"
"Think back, I miss KL."
"Haha"
I am that kind of person where I will feel much guilty when comes to 'absent' and 'can't make it' to any ministry... Hence, even going to KL, I think quite some time fixing my flight back to KK, ensure I didn't miss this and miss that...

He messaged me:
"Take Care"
"Must go for rest"
I am the eldest in the family and for me to hear such 'advice' is so hard because I have to take lead as the eldest daughter in the family. Sometime, I need someone to just say simple thing like that will help cheer me up.

I replied him:
"ok, but ho... I think take care and must go for rest suits you more"
Well, my cousin brother's 'panda eyes' gotten really really deep when I visited him... and he laughed at me.. =)

My cousin cared and concerned for me even though he is so far away from me... I am much touched by it. =)

JOY is everything..

2009-09-15T11:26:00.004+08:00

KL is the place I am heading this Sunday.... I simply post out 'countdown' in my facebook every single day on which I am indirectly telling people that I am 'excited' and 'anxious' to go away for a 'vacation'. I am at the verge of my life where I will get my 'answer' in the upcoming trip to KL. Something to be excited of and something to look forward for. I am glad that for so many comments that I had in my facebook, there is this one sister of mine that telling me to bring 'JOY' rather than bring a 'gift'... wow... that's so cool.

Leaving to KL in a week time...

2009-09-13T00:01:00.003+08:00

I am taking an off from my usual schedules in a week time.... This is the first time I make such decision which really require me to make some 'sacrifices' which I don't normally do... but, I made it... well.... even then, I am looking forward for a 'great adventure'... =)

time & space

2009-09-11T16:41:00.003+08:00

I am back!!!!

That is what I tell few people about these where they know what happened to me... and guess what? only receive one back.... think about it, people are only there when you are happy and good... but, when comes to facing problems and down with sadness.. wohooo.... they flee as fast as possible... or to be precise, they are no where to be seen.... Oh well, I guess 'friend' does mean something to them...

I have this feeling that whenever I am trying to meet up with anyone, group of friends will turn up.. and then.... come happily, talk happily but observe the least... have you ever experienced that when too many people come together, you will just feel 'left out'? merely, their conversation does not suit you or the problem is only you and not the others??? I experienced it today... wow... I actually didn't really realized the consequences of that.. but, after that, I self-examined and think about it... I feel totally 'left-out'... I need time and space.... sometime, there is a reason why I meet up with someone simply because I just want to spend some time with the person, or there are some thing I wanted to share (personally) of course... oh well... some time, people are too busy to bother simply because I am the only one who is not working and everyone is... hence, I have no choice but to suit them...

Alright, I am ok.. just need some time.. back to "I am Back"... I experienced 'communication breakdown' last week as my laptop is not functioning and my handphone hanged... however, everything went back to normal and now, I have my laptop back and using my old handphone... not bad. =)

... less

2009-09-07T14:34:00.004+08:00

Thank God my brother came back for holiday, hence, I am able to use his laptop... yes, my laptop is 'sick' and has been admitted to 'hospital' under the care and guidance of a talented 'doctor'. This is not the first time actually happened to my laptop as it has been like this previous months ago but it was a minor ones... however, this time, it is quite 'serious'.. hence, need 'major operation' and need to be in the 'ward' for few days. In other word, I am 'laptop-less'....

Another thing that happened to me was my handphone... I find it hard to call out, sms and perform other operation with my handophone... why? because it jammed.... I think I can only receive call..... if that I can hear as well.... in other word, I am somehow 'handphone-less' as well......

Oh well, I will just need to be 'out-of-technology' at the moment...

wooohoooooo....

2009-09-02T22:25:00.005+08:00

At last, I got myself a pair of sneakers shoes and also a pair of sunglasses... woohoooo..... thanks to LPS for accompanying me buy the shoes, a pair of Converse shoes, to be precise. Quite a 'mission' to do as I need to have size 6 .... hahahha....

I also bought myself a good sunglasses for me to use for driving purposes.... well... really a good one... will let you see when we meet, ya? hehehhe......

Now, I left one more in the list: a pair of good jeans... hmm..... will have to source that out ... =)

Jeans & Sneakers Shoes...

2009-09-01T00:02:00.002+08:00

YES!!! I am in need of a pair of new jeans as my jeans now is wearing off... I guess... hehee.... and also, I am in need of a pair of sneakers shoes as well as I will be going to KL in two weeks time and partly, I never had sneakers shoes before.... so, suddenly having this urge to wanting to buy a pair of jeans and sneakers shoes.... hehehe.....

Holiday... yeah... but not for me....

2009-08-31T22:57:00.002+08:00

HOLIDAY has just ended for everyone.. Everyone is coming back to 'reality' ..... Adults get back to their hectic work with files piling up their tables until their heads are no where to be seen... students get back to their school getting ready for examinations as semester is almost coming to an end...

As for me... I didn't get to rest at all during Holiday... strange? hmm.... maybe I should put it this way, I had more 'things on hand' than normal days.

My mom went back to her hometown on Friday and I, being the eldest daughter, will have to take up mom's responsibilities to take care of the house and to make sure everything is in proper conditions and get things tidy up and so on... so, I got myself busy with house chores and thank God that 2 sisters of mine call me out for lunch and plus, having my craved meal - KIMCHEE FRIED RICE... nice... we chatted and laughed a lot... it was really fun and enjoyable time... though, I have to worry for my youth picnic the next morning...

Picnic with youth the next day was so-called quite unorganized to me... all the leaders went for holidays, leaving me behind handling everything.. When come to think about it, this is not the first time either that the leaders went away for holidays and leaving me behind handling everything ... reason behind? maybe because I do not leave for holiday, I will not say 'no', or rather, taking me for granted just because I will obey.... I had the most hectic Saturday because after the picnic, we had dance practice and by the time I got back home, I was so worn out because I only slept for 3 hours the night before just to prepare my youth's picnic day the next day..

Sunday I got up at 3.30am to fetch my youth in the terminal bus, go to church, and had late breakfast .... after that, I went back to continue do my house chores as mom coming back today.. so, I went with my dad together to fetch my mom in the afternoon since there is no SYOK... it was quite a journey and I am glad to meet my grandma though she can barely see and hear me, but, she can feel me... that is awesome. We departed and went back at about 6pm.. had our dinner outside and by the time I went back, again, so tired and exhausted....

Today, mom has booked me to accompany her to buy some groceries and thereafter, help her out with some house chores and went brisk walk in Tun Fuad Bukit Padang, then, prayer meeting at night... now.. I am preparing my dissertation presentation tomorrow afternoon...

Holiday... yeah... but not for me...

At last..... kimchee fried rice

2009-08-28T19:11:00.003+08:00

At last, I finally get to eat my kimchee fried rice with 2 of my sisters. Yummy!!!! Love it... you can view more in my Facebook corner.. hehe.....

We had fun and laughter that you can't imagine.. so cool!! Love it... after meal, I manage to grab coffee bean and get my things done for my youth picnic tomorrow... amazing!!!!

For me, meals anywhere does not matter, it is the companion that matters. Friends who talk whatever and laugh and joke around together... that is awesome!!!

Kimchee.....

2009-08-27T23:53:00.003+08:00

Since my youth leader blog about me super love Kimchee.. I might as well make it clear here too.. hhehe.....

Yeap, I am craving not only coffee (which I am still craving.. don't worry people...) but I am so into kimchee now.... I had kimchee fried rice with 3 of my sisters in Wisma Merdeka last month (I guess??) and I really love the food. I crave for it so much and I wanted to really eat that kimchee fried rice again.. yummy!!!!

sleep 'early' wake up early

2009-08-25T19:24:00.002+08:00

I think majority of people have tried the above formula before: sleep 'early' wake up early. I often apply this formula when comes to rushing assignments, research report, proposal, examination preparation and the like. I was talking to a sister of mine this afternoon and she mentioned to me that she had not been sleeping for the past few nights, reason being that she too was rushing her work.

I slept at 5am last night with 5 thermos of hot coffee accompanying me.... consider 'early' right? and wake up at 9am... hmm... I think that's early too... =) Of course, the consequence is that, I will 'suffer' the whole day due to lack of sleep. Feeling tired and headache throughout the whole day and even though I feel tired, at the same time, I do feel satisfied because I am done with my proposal and approved by my lecturer, hence, I can proceed with my research and report writing. I thank God for HIS constant supply of strength to me throughout the whole process of doing my proposal.

Hmm... frankly speaking, it is not wise to rush things last minute... I know that... so, I will try my very best not to repeat the same mistake again when doing my final research report.

God's Grace

2009-08-21T10:02:00.006+08:00

By God's Grace:
1) I am all alone at home.
2) My brother's car's battery went flat, hence, use my car since I do not have lecture.
3) I manage to catch up some news.
4) My sins are forgiven.
5) I thank HIM for HIS mercy.
6) I am being reminded to practice "looking at the brighter side"

I was quite disappointed with one of my friend's action and made me almost wanted to do something that will not only hurt that person, but also hurt me as well... So, when I woke up this morning by an sms asking me to search for something important, I turned on my laptop and browse through my FB as well... then, I was being reminded by a brother of mine on his personal message:

New day with a new heart,
New heart with a new challenge.

Wah... what a 'dialogue' from GOD.. I was totally surrendered by HIS mercy and grace because only HE knew what is in my heart and what is troubling me. It is not easy to be patience and be courteous to everyone, "love your enemy" is one command that GOD gave and practically? IT IS SO SO HARD..... I was being put to the test many times concerning this ... but, always, GOD is there poking and nudging me... reminded me about this ... ghoosh..... HEAVEN IS SO REAL.... I believe GOD changes a person bit by bit, one little heart beat at a time.

Positive and Faith up high

2009-08-19T23:38:00.002+08:00

I am officially done with my practicum commitment... which is to complete my 3-month practice in LokYuk Secondary School, 1-week SacredHeart Primary School and my final reports. It was totally a blast for me for the past 3 months and I think it was by God's GRACE that I can go through everything through Him who strengthens me.. I was very much encouraged by this statement as friends around me always remind of HIS grace is sufficient to me...

After going through tough times, I realized that LIFE is not easy. I really understand the importance of having the LORD by my side every single moment. I fear GOD but at the same time, I need HIM to be with me. Indeed, HE never forsake me.

I had cell group tonight and the topic was about "offer my body as a living sacrifice" ... I know this fairly well because I am using my '"body" which is "temple of God" to serve in ministry by using the talents that the LORD has given to me. However, I came to learn that, I need a transformation in my life as well. I received quite a number of comments to me that saying I looked happier and livelier after I had finished my practical. It makes me ponder..... am I behaving different for the past 3 months? causing people around made that comment? Oh well, of course, it is a good news to me.

So, I try to look at the brighter side starting from now on. Life is not about being worry, sad, disappointed.... but, it's about being positive and keep faith up high... and this is one thing that I need to learn and apply it practically. =)

Experiences & Light

2009-08-06T21:35:00.005+08:00

I used to be so 'immune' to things that is happening around me. However, I fear that, that kind of 'immunity' has no longer 'sustaining' me.

There are so many things that has happened to me for the last three months, from the moment I started my practical life as a trainee teacher until now. There are sad moments and happy moments that happened for the past three months of time.

I could not remember how many times have I fallen sick; I could not remember how many times I had been hurt by people around me; I could not remember how many times I had been discouraged; I could not remember how many times I have cried; I could not remember how much effort I had poured out and yet being questioned of my faith and responsibilities; I could not remember how much stresses I had faced and yet still have to act otherwise; I could not remember how many times I feel so down and yet one word of encouragement is no where to be heard.....

There are countless of 'I could not remember....' in my list and I am starting to wonder and evaluating myself, asking God 'WHY?'. Through all these 'experiences' that I faced, it came clear to me that God is showing me something and giving me a hint. I am still praying about it and struggling about it, however after all these 'experiences' happened to me , I am feeling somehow God is already there showing me the way.

Being at the 'Light' side, I do have happy moments that happened to me.. I met new friends that really care; I had friends that still there encouraging me be it new friends or friends that understands me; I still be able to serve in the ministry that I love; I still be able to have my piano with me, my music with me, my notes with me.....

*deep breath*
Above all, I still have the Lord by my side.. and I think, that is more than enough!

REST!

2009-07-11T23:12:00.002+08:00

I had a loooooooooong week this week that I need that 'o' to be more just to add some exaggeration on my long week.... hehe.... well... it is sound a bit exaggerating but it is true..

Apart from having full class until Saturday, I actually fall sick on Monday until today... the first thing I do when I was not feeling that very well on Monday is to go and get my doctor, get my jab, get my medicine and drink more water... so, sounds like I should be getting well any moment right? but.. the little that I do.. that's only one important thing that I cannot even get to achieve... which is to REST!

I have been consistently packed with schedules that actually making me really cannot rest. Talking and shouting and teaching in the school every single day really tires and hurt my vocal cord... frankly speaking, I actually hurt my vocal cord since I was in primary school and no one actually believes that! Hence, my throat tends to get very sensitive to all sorts of 'tension'...

Coming back to REST.. those who knows me really really well.... will know that I never get to rest most of the time... even as I blog now, I am actually waiting for my medicine to take effect and I will off to bed...

REST! now seems like everyone is down with sickness... same as what I am facing... well, I truly understands that these people also lack of rest because of work and also other commitment....

Thanks for those who actually put their effort in comforting me to rest well in Facebook.. frankly speaking, I really am glad and touched by even the little thing and the little comfort that I receive in Facebook...Yes, I will REST...

........

2009-07-03T19:15:00.002+08:00

I had really bad day in school today. Well, I have to admit that I have been officially diagnosed of "mentally stressed" to the max......

I have come to my 3rd months of my practical and my burdens has not gone any lesser everyday. Facing different students every single day really testing my level of patience. Frankly speaking, I really need an OFF... from everything...

School is not entirely the main issue, I am involving in different areas and these areas also caused me headache.... I really am tired but everyone thinks I am NOT!!! Hence, I was given all sorts and all kinds of unnecessary burdens and problems..... How am I suppose to handle it when there is no one that I can turn on to when comes to solving matters??? I seriously think, am I that easily being pushed here and there just like a ball ... used as one likes?? am I that easily being fooled around where everyone knows the real story and I am not? what kind of mentality is this? I do not know..... I seriously don't care already... if you say NO at the first place, I will take it as a NO and nothing else... please don't come back to me and ask me again! I am really pissed off with some people's attitude and some time even your closest friend near you betrays you!

The idea of leaving has starting to becoming a motivation to me!

old youth gang! yay!!!

2009-06-23T01:13:00.003+08:00

Even though I am craving for Starbucks, yet, I had Coffee Bean today with a whole lot of 'old youth gang'!!! It was so fun being with them, talking jokes and hmm...... ya.. some were quite lame jokes.. but, still... the fellowship was really cool...

Let's see... the 'old youth gang' comprises of:
1. Future Doctor - Koo Thomson (hey! remember what I said: BETTER HANDWRITING, ok?)
2. Future Business Lawyer- Douglas Chee ( hey! I don't know that you like GREEN??)
3. Lab Researcher - Leon Ho ( hmm..... nothing much to say... hahhaha)
4. Future Mechanical Engineering - Melvyn Ho (Man... this person is a rare species..)
- Ronnie Thien ( Owwh.... spill cold water the whole night!!!)
5. Boss - Stanley Chee (very cool !)
6. Boss' future wife - Stephanie Liang ( very cool as well!)
7. Future Pharmacist - Hannah Tai ( we'll be missing you soon!!!)
8. Youth Boss - Caroline Lee ( full of crap one !!! hahahhaha)
9. Future Teacher -- hey.. this is ME!!!

It was totally a blast night!!!!!!

Starbucks!

2009-06-13T00:48:00.002+08:00

At last, I had my Starbucks last night with a sister of mine...
It was so relaxing and satisfied! Yummy~~~~~

We had good chat and it was really a night to remember.....

Great drink...
Great companion...
Great sharing...

Past times!

2009-05-27T23:55:00.002+08:00

Time really flies........
I am finishing one month of my practical in my school now!

For the past 4 weeks of my practical.... there are so many things happen...
be it personal matters or work matters.

Of course, the personal matters really tires me off very deeply...
I hate to say this but, it really affects my concentration and my focus in a lot of matters...
Frankly speaking, I was super burdened and super tired by what happens throughout it...
and of course, I don't expect everyone to understands... Only God knows...

Work matters.... teaching.... teacher.....
I am given 3 classes to teach English...
and I really have no idea why the school gave me the best class and the worst class.

Best class vs Worst class
one word to describe: TOUGH!

Best class has it's own kind of attitude
because the students are all competent in all their languages

Worst class has it's own kind of attitude as well
because the students are all not competent in their languages.

Hence, whenever I enter both classes
my head turns wild...

Lesson Plans and LogBook
One word to describe: DISASTER!

I have to do these 2 kinds of documents every NIGHT!
and mind you... these 2 documents can really eats up all your nights!
Hence, I will sleep very very late just because of doing these 2 documents!
Oh! by the way.... I will only be home by 10.30pm every night!
so, you can take wild guess on what time I sleep every night!

Interesting day..

2009-05-04T23:43:00.004+08:00

Today is my 1st day of teaching practicum.
I was so excited that the previous night I couldn't sleep..
I kept waking up each hour....
Ghoosh.. I think it's either I am too excited or I am too nervous....

I report myself to school before 7am
I was put charge to invigilate 1 examination class and 2 relieve classes
It was quite tiring because have been standing up for quite few hours

Students there are very active
Had few comments and messages from them....
very funny...
It makes me think back when I was in secondary school time
suddenly all memories came into mind
really something to be cherished

I kept worrying here and there
especially the report
there are so many things to do
not only to prepare my class
but also need to work on my report

But, thank God I have a dear friend, Tatilya
She helped me in a lot of ways
I have been bugging her these few days
and I bet, for the days to come
I really need her help
hehehhehe....

Sick

2009-05-02T22:44:00.002+08:00

Sick...
it's not something good
it's not something healthy
it's something to be happy
it's not something fun
it's not something worth having

It's a DISASTER!!!!!!
eeerrrrgggghhhhhhhhh

I had my fever right after my last paper on Thursday
Having saying it, I ignored it as well
because I wanted to enjoy my FREEDOM

As a consequence, I fall badly on Friday and Saturday
Hence, I went for medication and got myself an injection
because I do not want to appear sick in front of my student on Monday

I slept the whole day today
Hoping badly that I will be well
Thank God.. I felt much better
maybe because of the injection
it cured faster than step-by-step medication

Sick
again...
it ruin all my emotion and plans....
ghoossh!!!!

Awesome!!

2009-05-01T15:29:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was my FINAL PAPER
So, 13 of us planned a gathering
Before we are off for practical
Next Monday

We had:
McD for dinner
X-Men Origins: Wolverine for pleasure
Starbucks for satisfaction

It was so fun and great
I had fun time with all of them
They are nice people, kind people
and FUNNY people

I can say:
Great Dinner
Great Movie
Great Companion

FINAL PAPER!!!!

2009-04-29T14:46:00.002+08:00

what will normally be your feeling when you are facing your FINAL PAPER?

Haa!!
I bet your feeling will be great, awesome, fantastic... (whatever!)

Well,
Yeah, a day to remember
tomorrow is my FINAL PAPER of all!!!
Yippeeeeeee!!!

oh well...
I am still here study, study and study....
@_@

I AM ACCEPTED!

2009-04-27T18:01:00.005+08:00

I went to SM LokYuk with a partner with me, Janet

Our mission:
Send letter of our duty as practical teacher

We plan to meet the principal at 9.30am
hopefully can finish by 10am
However, there is nothing is smooth today

We went there
expecting the principal to be 'in'
Yet, he wasn't
because he has an important meeting to attend outside
so, me and my partner somehow
insisted that we meet him today
because both of us will not be free for the next few days
as we are still having our examination

Patience is the only word that I can only think of
Thank God, by 12.3opm
we are able to meet the principal and get our things done
The principal is really good and friendly

WE ARE ACCEPTED!!!!
YEAH!!!!

Hoping to get some food and rest at home
Yet, another thing happened
ELECTRICITY CUT!!!
aarrgghhh.........

no point study with 'sauna'
Went out with mom to have my breakfast+lunch
Bought some stuffs back

Headache....

2009-04-25T23:12:00.003+08:00

Financial Accounting is my paper today @ 9am
It was quite tough because it uses up all my brain energy
3 Hours of paper is not long but the condition that I am "in" is really worst
We used "T-Table" for our 3 hours exam and guess what?
MY BACK ACHE!!! PLUS HEAD ACHE

..........

Water sports is the game for our youth cell today @ 3.30pm
It was fun & enjoyable
Playing water and iced water together
I was splashed all over like nothing
hahhahahhaa
Above all, my headache getting worst!

..........

Wedding dinner is the event for my night @ 7pm
He was my ex-STTSS classmates plus my Asst. Monitor's wedding
Happy to be there as I am able to meet up with "long-lost" friends
It's great to have gathering with friends and have laughter together
But, still... by the time I got back home, my headache seems to squeeze me

...........

should I continue study? or sleep?
@_@

2nd Paper...

2009-04-24T23:42:00.003+08:00

Today.......

1. Woke up at 10am (slept at 3am last night)
2. Start revision like nothing til 1.30pm
3. Piano lesson @ 2.30pm
4. Buy shoes @ citymall.. super cheap! all half price
5. Power Puff Girls meet up @ OldTown
6. Had bread toast & super "kau" coffee...
7. Went back @ 7pm
8. Bathe & rest a while
9. Worship practice @ 8pm
10. Stop by Caroline's house to take water container
11. Finished & got back home @ 9.30pm
12. study till now......
13. Paper is tomorrow at 9am.....

ABOVE ALL, MY HEAD IS REALLY PAINFUL SINCE THIS MORNING...
ghoosh....... hopefully will be alright tomorrow.... please pray for me!!! I am having 3 hours of paper tomorrow, youth in the afternoon, and wedding dinner at night.... can I really stand the whole day and night?

tired & stress?

2009-04-22T23:26:00.003+08:00

TODAY..... I had quite an interesting day....

1. Woke up at 7am (@_@)
2. Had light breakfast: doughnut & coffee (yummy)
3. Start my revision til 11.15am (Focus)
4. Lunch with SooMan & Doreen @ 1Borneo (Syok)
5. Bought some formal attire @ 1Borneo (glad)
6. Had starbucks drink (last coupon)
7. No electricity @ home (hot)
8. Prepare game for cell
9. Skip dinner (hmm...)
10. Cell group @ night (great!)
11. Got chocolate from PeiSan (Hooray!!!)
12. Went out drink with Waltson, Vincent, Caroline, Annie and Hannah @ Kolombong
13. Reach home @ 11.30pm (Tired)
14. Continue study NOW!!! (Yikes!!)

sense of relief... for today la.... hehhe

2009-04-21T21:44:00.004+08:00

Today, my 1st paper.. finishes at 5.30pm... I thought it was a 2hours30mins paper, but..
I was shocked when I saw that my paper is 3 hours...... @_@... by the time I finished,
I feel headache.....

OH well... I went out with Adeline for a drink at City Mall Old Town.... but, end up, I had my dinner because suddenly I felt so hungry.... and this Adeline, cannot finish her nasi lemak pula *faint* ... so, "bungkus" lo.... hahahha.... Don't waste, right? and also this Adeline, suggest to drink something "kau" and "enrich" coffee..... end up, I finished my drink, but she ended up "forcing" herself to finish it... hahhaha... poor Adeline... cannot finish her nasi lemak plus forced to finish her drink pula... hahhaha....

So, we chatted a lot of stuffs.... we met with 'interesting' event today... and suddenly I felt something missing.... aaahhh...... TATILYA.... hahhahha... I miss her all of a sudden... hehhe...

After that, we went for some little shopping... and this Adeline got herself pretty nice shoe... really nice... I also like.... ehhehhe.....
hmm.... did some shopping with her and by the time everything finished... it's about 7.15pm...
so, we go back....

Somehow... slightly relief that this paper had finished....

In my mind...

2009-04-20T17:28:00.004+08:00

so tempting...

my first paper tomorrow....
2.30-5.30pm
Language Deficient Learner
It's a subject that is so interesting that I seems to feel like I am a deficient learner... hahahhaha....
study mode .. *of course*... but cannot seems to go into my memory... I presume it's *overloaded*
But... I can't delete it... even though it eats up spaces... I still want to leave it there first...
*ghoosh*
It's KILLING ME!!!!!

Extremely Tired!

2009-04-19T19:27:00.002+08:00

It's exam season... so, when I came back home last night, I wanted to study a little bit.. hence, I studied until 1.30am.. the reading was not that good because I was so tired and couldn't focus much... still... I wanted to do a little bit of reading.

The consequence is that, I felt extremely tired today. I had long day today as usual.. but, I felt really exhausted after church service already.. and I have video shooting in the afternoon... that's where the climax is... I almost collapsed... seriously tired... and I feel weird because I normally will not feel that tired...

I am spending some time to do some blogging here... releasing some stresses and tension.... but seems that my body and mind is not cooperating well.. =(

Nevertheless... I will need to strife and study tonight no matter what!!!!

Moments...

2009-04-18T10:52:00.002+08:00

TALKING about 2 lunch appointments yesterday, I really wanted to GIVE THANKS that I can really enjoy the companion. SooMan and Doreen brought me to this Jaw Seafood restaurant at 1Borneo to have lunch. It was so funny because so coincident the boss of the restaurant was there. Doreen kept saying that the boss likes me because he came and greet us, served us soup, took my plates after I finished eating and provide plain water for us... so, this Doreen says that maybe the boss likes me.. hahhaha... it was so funny.. and we really talked about it the whole lunch time.... it was really fun and mind you, the food there is really really nice... can consider going there for meal.

The second lunch appointment with Adeline and Tatilya also funny... this Tatilya forgot to bring her handphone out.. goodness... she remembers to bring everything but her handphone... @_@.. haha... then.. we had our meal at BurgerKing and this Adeline, who crave BurgerKing so much that she only ate fries and wanted to bring her burger home for dinner.... *faint*... then... as usual... girl buddies talk.. hahha... our intention is to go into the class at 3pm even though our class starts at 2.45pm... but, we know that our lecturer will be late.. but, lo and behold, she sms us that class will start at 3pm... hahaha... just as we planned!

Today... I wanted to answer to the post where I am sad because someone is leaving me.. true.. this is JoyceHam.. tell you something about her... I just knew her not even 1 month but our friendship shows that we've known each other for so so long time... She is an outstation student from Sandakan and came here for A-level study at IS. I know her because I am fetching her and 2 other mates to church every Sunday. I was shocked that she actually came to CCL quite a few times but with another family. It all started when Alvin called and asked for transport to church every Sunday and there's where I know Joyce at the first place. Our friendship starts there and then.. we went out for Korean meal, and also breakfast at starbucks and just went out with her for breakfast at Inanam. She is leaving us today to KL for an interview for her scholarship and studies... It was a shocking news when she called and told me about this matter. Even though I am used to youths and friends leaving me, but somehow this feeling is not that good after all. During the breakfast, we talked and laughed as usual.. until when it's time to say goodbye, I almost broke into tears but I control... it was really sad moments... I really pray that she will get this scholarship and hope that she will settle herself well in KL. All the best Joyce.. I will really really miss you..

Quality Time

2009-04-17T10:33:00.006+08:00

Today I woke up at 7am.... @_@ hahhaha..... reason being is that I need to accompany mom to the market to buy some fish and vegetables. I had great time with mom even though I have to wake up so early. It was really a quality time together with my mom... I really feel sad and guilty that I always do not have time with my mom because of my own busy schedules and I am glad that my mom understands me more than anyone. =)

I am having my FINAL lesson today in the afternoon and forever.. hahaa.... really, final class already besides my seminar after my 3 months of internship. Even I am at the stake of exam stress, yet, I wanted to do something different this semester.. Usually, when comes to exam season, I forbid myself to go out or even hang out with friends for some breather... I will just wanted to tie myself and lock myself in my room sticking my eyes reading all thoese miniature alphabets....@_@...... and frankly speaking... I felt even tired and stressful ever!!!!!!

So, I wanted to slow down a bit.. of course, not slacking throughout the whole exam period.. but, just wanted to have some breather and space... yesterday, I was studying throughout and had some chat with my cell leader, PeiSan over the msn. We were talking over some stuffs over the msn and suddenly she asked for lunch together... so, normally, if last time... I will definitely say a big fat NO.. but, surprisingly I say YES!!! so, it was a great lunch with fun and laughters.. I know she is really tired and how I wish I can help... but I know her profession it's totally out of my reach.. all I can do is to accompany her lunch *It's hard to have lunch with her because she is just so so busy*.. seriously! but, it was a great lunch, wasn't it??? =)

Today, I will be having 2 lunch appointments. The first lunch appointment will be with SooMan and DoreenNgui at 1Borneo later at 12pm. We were sharing some prayer points over the cell meeting last wednesday and Doreen mentioned something that SooMan so busy that she only eat MaggiMee... adui... so, it came to my senses that to have lunch with both of them since they are working together at 1Borneo. It was so fun planning where to eat and Doreen was so excited about it... My second lunch appointment will be with my girl buddies, Adeline and Tatilya at Damai BurgerKing, 1.30pm. This Adeline crave for BurgerKing for AGES!!!! hahahha... so, I think I better fulfil her CRAVING before exam stress... hahhahahaha..... Above all, I didn't mention to neither one of them that I am having double lunch appointments.. hahhaa.... what a blessing!!!!!

Quality time is something that I felt it's important because that's where friendships are built and strengthen. I lose and missed a lot of these kind of opportunities just because of my tight schedules... after this week, I am missing another dear sister of mine again.... hai.... sad.. =(

Final Exam Season....

2009-04-16T11:31:00.001+08:00

THIS is truly my FINAL EXAM for my course and I am off for an internship for 3 months in one particular secondary school next month.

I am suppose to really study but here I am blogging to ease some of my worries in my head. I was quite disturbed lately maybe because of exam fright I suppose. Even though I have been continuously taking exam non-stop, but, still, when comes to exam season, I actually really scared and stressful. Friends around me never understand my situation and all they know is that "I will be ok", "I will definitely get A" "I will never fail"... this and that... and you know what? THESE kind of statements will not ease me anyhow... but rather, it will only increase my stress level...

Anyway.. I am still grateful that there are actually friends that cares for me, telling me to rest more, drink more water and do not push myself too hard. Even though these are meant to say to me that "don' worry too much", but, to me, they sound like "do my best and God will do the rest." ... and it sounds more comforting.

Last night, it was my first time sharing the Word in my cell group. Well, this is not the first time, rather the second time to be precise. But, the first time was so long time ago... it's been a while already so, last night actually still consider my first time. I was so so nervous that I couldn't eat at all. I didn't really enjoy and I couldn't focus the ice-breaker and the worship because I kept thinking about the sharing after that. When comes the word and sharing time, I was so nervous that I kept forgetting my words and simple sentence until one member, JT, kept helping me out and he also kept helping me out during question time.. I was so thankful to God that at least I didn't get total silent when I asked for questions... All in all, it was alright *I hope so*.. after that, my hunger rings!!! hahaha... then I was off for McD as my dinner and late supper together.

I really cannot forsee what is my next 2 weeks will be like... all I can do is to surrender everything to God.